BUILDING – STRENGTHENING – EDIFYING RELATIONSHIPS

As we gain experience (a catch phrase for getting older) we have a tendency to spend a lot of time evaluating and trying to separate those things which are really important from those things which Elder Boyd K. Packer called 'fried froth' or of little to no importance in one's life. I have noticed that through the years a certain principle has been slowly making it to the top of my list of really important things.

That principle, which now sits in a lofty place in my hierarchy of values, is tossed about as we casually use the word RELATIONSHIPS in so many different ways. We read about what proper relationships should be and make resolutions to incorporate needed changes into our behavior, but crisis' cause old habits to take sway. We watch a tender movie where skilled actors present models which should be emulated and realize that our lives would have less conflict if we played our personal characters after such a model, but reality soon chases away these pretend moments. We see people who seem to have genuine relationship skills and wonder if our interactions would be different if we followed their example, but then rationalize that our circumstances are much different and less ideal than theirs.

Sadly, we know that most of us practice situational relationship behavior rather than relationships which are constant and correct. We have a relationship behavior which surfaces when we are trying to get another person to buy what we are selling. We have a relationship behavior which surfaces when we are courting. We have a relationship behavior which surfaces when we feel comfortable and confident with another. We have a relationship behavior which surfaces when we feel we are in a position of control and authority. We have a relationship behavior which surfaces when we are only in the presence of ourselves.

One of the principles that is most essential to being able to have a solid belief in Deity is being able to trust in the behavioral constancy of an Exalted Being. We must also be able to separate His unchanging ways and those events which happen because we misuse our gift of Agency. I have witnessed people's relationship with God and others change when life's events and someone's use of Agency brings about adversity or stifles ones desires. In April of 1994 Elder Russell M. Nelson said, "Only the comprehension of the true Fatherhood of God can bring the full appreciation of the true brotherhood of man."

What a wonderful thing to contemplate. Is it possible that along with all the striving to learn about and attempting to inculcate patterns of building, strengthening and edifying relationships, that I also must quest to have a constancy in the practice of these correct principles in all the variety of places with all the variety of people I daily encounter?

A personal list of building, strengthening and edifying relationship behaviors I desire to make constant in my interactions with my bothers and sisters which make up humanity:

1. Speaking with soft and soothing tones saving loud and harsh vocalizations for times of emergency.
2. Become so truthful that I never leave another wondering if a promise I have made will be fulfilled faithfully.
3. Make words of kindness and praise a natural and sincere part of my vocabulary.
4. Change critical comments into words of helpful encouragement.
5. Be genuinely interested in the welfare, interests and pursuits of others.
6. Leave others with the understanding that I truly regard their importance in my life.
7. Have genuine and unfeigned emotions; merry when rejoicing is appropriate and weeping when circumstances require it.
8. Develop a more cheerful attitude easily brought to laughter especially at our mortal bumbling - and most especially my own.
9. Put down any temptation which might arise to become my own publicity campaigner, the expositor of my many personal virtues.
10. Not allow the current behavior of others and the remarks they may say in their unguarded, challenged moments to affect the constancy of my own relationship behaviors.

Somewhere 'way back in my personal calendar of mortality I was told that any list longer than ten is a waste of both my time and that of others, so I'll end this shared list now with the understanding that my personal list is much more extensive.

I will also end these thoughts with the admission that my struggle for the development of constant righteous relationship interactions are 'way too fragmented and most often fall short of acceptability and are a long way from where I know they should be. But as the old Irishman once said, "ye lift me and I'll lift thee and together to Heaven we'll go."