WHY CHRISTMAS IS NICE

The Wonderful Season Begins

Once upon a time in the days before anything much was organized and when people were all pretty much alike and had not learned to be Doctors or Bookmakers or Husbands or Milkmen, there were never any holidays because everyone was too busy.

What they were busy doing was---taking stuff.

They spent all of their time either taking stuff or trying to take stuff or planning to take stuff from each other, or fixing the walls and fences and barbwire in their section of the jungle so no one could take stuff from them.

In those days it was considered most necessary to have a lot of stuff and taking it gave people a stimulating feeling. When they took something especially good (i.e. big) the feeling started in the back of their necks and spread down across their back and made a tingle in their left foot. This feeling was the only feeling anyone ever had except maybe being scared or being hungry.

Several techniques had been developed for taking stuff. These techniques were:

First; swiping …This was the most difficult because naturally few people were foolish enough to leave any of their stuff unguarded.

The second and most popular method was to find someone smaller than you, give him a bash and take whatever stuff he had at the time.

The third was to find someone your own size; sneak up behind him and give him an unexpected bash. Then you could grab his stuff and run. This method although dangerous, had the advantage of being healthful, as the bashing and running promoted deep breathing and kept the waistline down.

Now in time, the smaller people learned to be very clever at hiding and swiping, and the larger developed a protective layer of bone across the back of their skulls, and some of the medium sized discovered that they could tell big lies about the amount of stuff they had hidden and this was about the same as actually having stuff.

And so a status quo came to exist. It balanced out pretty well for everyone, that is, except Marvin Ouk.

Marvin Ouk lived in a rather provincial section of the jungle and his only neighbors were named Gloog, Howk, Murdleigh and Lester.

Now Gloog, Howk, Murdleigh and Lester had each accumulated exactly the same amount of stuff. They were all about the same size and they had equally excellent walls and so it became difficult for them to increase their stuff. One day Murdleigh would bash Gloog and take his shirt and eggbeater, but the next day Howk would bash Murdleigh and take his shirt and fountain pen, and so on.

They were all getting bashed a great deal and in the long run there was no percentage in it. So after awhile they all concentrated mostly on taking stuff from Marvin, which wasn't easy.

Marvin was the smallest, the most simple-minded and the least devious of all the people. He didn't even have a proper wall or fence and as a result he had no stuff. In fact, Marvin never had anything. He didn't even have a pair of pants (which slowed him down socially). He lived on a diet of toadstools (these being the only things he could depend on not being taken) and the only feeling he ever experienced was not getting hit which he considered enjoyable.

So it wasn't long before Gloog and Howk and Murdleigh and Lester even gave up trying to take stuff from Marvin. It wasn't worth the trouble it took to bash him because although he bashed easily, Marvin was concussion prone and merely fell quietly face forward and didn't yell or holler or do anything fun.

And so in this part of the jungle the status quoed more than suitable. Actually the status became over-quoed and Gloog and Howk and Murdleigh and Lester sat behind their walls and got restless.

"It is not right not to take stuff," Murdleigh said, "One should get more stuff. It is the way things are." He would go on like this until he worked himself into a state. Then he would go out and try to sneak up on 'Gloog or catch Howk or swipe something from Lester. But he never could.

Then he would go back home and fret some more. "I will forget how to take stuff," he would tell himself. "I will lose my techniques." And one day he added. "I must keep in practice or my know-how will desert me."

So he rushed out and found Marvin Ouk and in his mind he pretended that Marvin was carrying a doubled armful of stuff. He then gave Marvin an excellent bash and pretended to take the imaginary stuff away from him. But it didn't work. He didn't work. He didn't get any feeling or tingle at all.

He went back home and fretted some more. "It was not playing the game to pretend," he told himself and he began to think. After a bit he had an idea. "Umm," he said, "If I'm gong to practice on Marvin, I must play the game. He must have something to take so I will go out and" … He paused and made up a word to express the odd idea he had in mind. "Give," he said, "I will give Marvin something first. Then I can take it."

So Murdleigh searched through his stuff and picked out a spoon with a broken handle and he went out and found Marvin.

When Marvin saw him he sighed and looked about for a soft spot to fall forward on. He was of course surprised, even shocked, when Murdleigh, stopped in front of him and made no bashing gestures. "Ouk," said Murdleigh, making a peculiar and frightening grimace (which men later learned to call a 'smile'), "Ouk, I have some stuff here I want to give you." He pushed the spoon toward Marvin. Marvin backed away. "Murdleigh has sprung a gasket", he thought, "I shall carefully go away as he may become dangerous."

But Murdleigh anticipated Marvin's escape and seized him by the arm. "Here." He said and placed the spoon in Marvin's hand. "I want you to have this."

Then he stepped back and prepared to give Marvin a bash and take the stuff in the approved manner, but before he could move, he felt a strange new feeling: A feeling ten times more powerful than the feeling he had when he took stuff. It started in the back of his chest and spread, not only through his back and his left foot, but all over. He began to tingle in both feet and both hands and on top of his head. The new feeling was so pleasant and so powerful that Murdleigh caught his breath and sat down on the ground.

"Ha," he said and again made the terrible grimace in Marvin's direction. Marvin turned and raced away.

"Who could have suspected" said Murdleigh. "Giving stuff is" … He searched for a noise he could use, another new word. "Ooser?" He said, and "Meepy?" Then he cried "Nisser" and then "Nicer".

Nicer sounds exactly right. "Giving stuff," Murdleigh said, "is nicer than taking stuff."

Murdleigh soon found out that part of the new feeling was a desire to tell other people about it and he did, and so another great discovery was made.

The secret of the new feeling has been passed down from century to century to now, and although sometimes we don't see too much evidence of it, people seem to remember it very clearly at Christmas time, and instead of taking and bashing, they give.

And it feels very nice.