WHERE IS MY LIFE LEADING

THERE ARE NO SURVIVING RELATIVES – THERE IS NO KNOWN IMMEDIATE FAMILY – NO SERVICES WILL BE HELD – BURIAL WILL BE UNDER THE AUTHORITY OF THE COUNTY CORONER’S OFFICE

I don’t have a strong tendency or desire to spend a lot of time reading the obituaries in the local paper, but on occasions when I do glance at them, I inevitably find the mention of someone who has seemingly passed on without anyone but the county officials to look after their remains.

It seems that in the days of long ago when transportation and communication developments were still in their infancy it might be understood that a son who had gone to sea to seek adventure and fortune could with little ceremony or the knowledge of family be consigned to a watery grave. Or a daughter who had gone west with the love of her life, only to be abandoned, might be interred with only the sound of a single shovel turning the earth announcing her demise. However, with the miraculous marvels of modern supersonic aircraft and the speed at which thoughts travel through cyber space it becomes somewhat of a puzzle to me how the passing of a person can take place without any significant recognition from a relative.

As I contemplate these articles from the position of one who has had a life filled with joys of days shared with interactions with meaningful others, I can’t help but wonder what paths are taken which leads to one being stripped of all familial relationships. Also, I admit that my life filled with family and friends minimizes any understanding which would enable me to make meaningful judgments. With these deficiencies declared I still venture forth to express my ponderings on the subject.

The only emotion which I can think of which attends these ponderings is a deep feeling of sadness. Tears fill eyelids as I try to relate to someone who has lived a life which seemingly ends in total aloneness. I can’t imagine that a one-time dramatic decision brought about such an end. It seems to me to be more logical that it was a series of choices throughout life which determined the circumstances of the final days of mortality.

Did the love for a father diminish and eventually entirely evaporate after having been rejected as an adolescent mind determined with each passing confrontation that the old man ‘didn’t, couldn’t or wouldn’t really understand?’

Did physical and emotional gulfs widened between child and parent as offspring’s interests broadened beyond the front gate and mother’s concern diminished with each painful retort of ‘it is my life?’


Did the rejection of a sibling place stone upon stone until an unbreachable wall stood between the younger tag-along brother and his one-time hero?

Did the complexities of the ‘modern family’ create so many stumbling blocks that desire to find the difference overcoming stepping stones was abandoned?

Did best friends become onetime buddies as the law of ‘my way or the highway’ drove inseparables to opposite coasts?

Did the wedding vows of youthful love grow obsolete as the keeping of them diminished with each differing view of the universes of the sexes?

I am sure that an accumulation of life altering choices and circumstances led to those columns on the back pages of the Life Section of the local daily. (Isn’t that an interesting place to have obituaries?) Path patterns would probably differ in details but I have wondered if a bottom line something like the following could be added to each three line entry:

“This poor soul seems to have been one who expected others to change but was unable to adapt or change.”

”This lonely soul lived a life where accountability and responsibility were often replaced by blame or excuse.”

“This solitary soul lived at the top of nob hill surrounded by many material means, but as yet we have been unable to find a next of kin.”

When did it all begin?

When was the point of no return reached?

What events led to these lives filled with ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys?’

Will the true causes ever be known?

TO BE CONTINUED