LAST REMEMBRANCES OF FATHER

Even though the events now seem trivial, during my youth I often felt like the world was conspiring against me. It was a feeling that was always fleeting and easily dispelled by the next time I was at bat or scored higher on the next algebra test. Quickly failure was replaced by success as I moved on to the next exhilarating adventure. It seemed like the crushing blows of life were frequent in those tumultuous teen years, but in retrospect I now know they were short-lived and of little lasting effect.

The heaviness I felt as I left St. George, Utah was much different. As I joined the other cars on the freeway speeding to Las Vegas, the overwhelming weight did not dissipate. Even as I boarded the plane for my return flight to Reno, Nevada my burden seemed stifling. Touching ground and greeting my wife did little to dispel the heaviness that was pressing upon my heart. Several days would pass before the ‘lesson to be learned’ would begin to work its miracle of relief upon my agonizing soul.

Just before leaving St. George, I had gone to visit my father who was in a nursing home recovering from a recent operation. The words of warning my mother had used were inadequate to fully prepare me for what would happen as I entered my father’s room. The toll of living more than 85 years and the recent operations were immediately obvious, but the real telling blow was hidden deep within the faltering mind of this man who had been such an important and influential part of my life for over 45 years.

As I bent to give my father a hug and to greet him with a kiss it suddenly became apparent that his bright eyes had now been dimmed by time, his ears now received only silence, and his mind was clouded. There was no recognition of father/son relationship. Where had all the memories of childhood games gone? Where were the wonderful words of counsel? Where was the warmth of love exchanged? All were absent surrounded by a numbing blur, and in their place that suffocating feeling distilling upon me as I realized that my father did not know me. All had been erased and I had become a stranger to him.

Almost a month passed before circumstances allowed me to return to St. George to visit my parents again. The trauma of my last visit was still vibrant and alive in my system and caused a large amount of fear to follow me into the nursing home as my mother, my son Troy and I entered the small cavity where my father had mostly slept for the last month. The room was vacant which caused my heart to skip a few beats and a different kind of feeling flooded over me.

We found dad sitting quietly by himself in the recreation room which had been converted into a chapel for worship services which were being held that morning. It was warming to see him grasp my mother’s hand as she greeted him. Then his still dimmed eyes rose to meet mine. His silenced ears strained to hear my words and then it was there – that wonderful smile – and the words forming on his lips, “Bill, I’m so glad you have come.” He knew me once again! The memories of shared years did not return, cloudiness soon rolled back over his eyes, his world once again went silent. But for one last wonderful second the warmth of love was felt and father and son were together again.
Frederick William Riley was only to live a short while longer, but with the lesson well learned his passing was made easier.

Time may dim our senses and block our ability to recall, but deep within the soul of each of us is indelibly recorded the relationships, experiences and interchanges of life.

Reality tells us that for all of us the day will come when even our greatest sorrows of mortality will be forgotten and we have the assurance we will be moving on to brighter and more exhilarating adventures.

Eternally I will be grateful that the majority of the relationships, experiences and interchanges between me and my father were joyful and positive. I am so grateful that when we meet again both of our minds will have been quickened and the corruptible parts of our beings will have been raised incorruptible. How marvelous it will be that in the brightness of that perfect light I will once again see my father’s smile and hear the words coming from his lips, “Bill, I’m so glad you have come.”